I love to play sports, mostly football and soccer,i love to party and listen to music.
Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 2:35am - kids - by jcesom (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
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On 07/26/2009 at 12:37am - intimacy - by PTKFML (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML
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On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by PeterRabit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was supposed to hang out with the girl I like because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma 'all day.' 1 o'clock, she comes online and tells me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Jake (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
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On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML
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On 07/14/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by bellaboop1990 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
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On 07/14/2009 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by guess28 (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML
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On 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)
