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About DavieJay : Aint no thang but a chicken wang!
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Today.. . my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following himhile flying it . He broke the RC helicopterhich cost 300 dollars.. . and we had to serech fir the dog fir 3 hours . FML
Today, I was hanging out with mah boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
yesterday mah overly-attachd 14-year-old cat wantd attention while I was in a heatd Skype argument with mah girlfriend. Workd up from the fight, I raisd mah voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bd, had a heart attack and did. I was a complete dick to mah cat in his last moments. FML
Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon fir charity, despite bieng overwieght and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not cuz I was proud of myself, but cuz I ran the last 2 mileshile bieng followed by kids on bicycle calling me a "fat cunt". FML
Today I Called A Company For A Problem With Our Septic Tank. Two Workers Show Up I Take Them Into The Garden To Show Them The Manhole Cover At The Top Of It. They Open It Up. We Then Gaze Upon A Sea Of Condoms Floating On The Surface. My Wife And I Don't Use Condoms. Big Fat FML
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, ( I didn't know how else to kill it! ) She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, putted it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. real FML
Today, I Told Mah Husband How Frisky I Was Feeling, An Asked Him Wat He Was Going To Do About It. He Reached Into Our Fruit Bowl, Tossed Me A Banana An Told Me To Work It Out, Then Returned To His Video Game. FML
Today, While Driving Home, Mah 3-year-old Daughter Told Me She Had To Poop. I Told Her That She Would Have To Wait Until We Got Home. When We Got Home, She Pulled Down Her Pants An Shat On The Floor, Because, "I'm Home Now." FML
Friday 27 March 2015