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Darrus

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Darrus
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8449
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Darrus's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

#7637016
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7592) - you deserved it (35699)

On 01/28/2010 at 5:24am - misc - by wishihadpockets (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61965) - you deserved it (3944)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

#7490494
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61965) - you deserved it (3944)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

#7467735
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26313) - you deserved it (2099)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

#7460932
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11755) - you deserved it (27703)

On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46052) - you deserved it (7426)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

#7391699
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40305) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

#7379683
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28534) - you deserved it (2532)

On 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by dire-rear (woman) - Singapore

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

#7228897
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (27840)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

#7228897
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (27840)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

#7148108
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25973) - you deserved it (2585)

On 01/04/2010 at 5:20pm - health - by onthetoilet - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

#7147061
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27981) - you deserved it (5863)

On 01/04/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by kady (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

#7130565
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22523) - you deserved it (5336)

On 01/03/2010 at 6:59pm - misc - by jumpy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

#7101810
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6847) - you deserved it (63448)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:41am - misc - by pissfaced (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)



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