Darrus

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Darrus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 15144
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Darrus's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 4:19pm<b>iMuffindrops</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 5:45pm<b>b2514</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 10:26pm<b>ermagherdaturdis</b> - the 07/09/2013 at 8:17am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:15pm<b>ManiacsRose</b> - the 06/30/2011 at 3:17am<b>sterlingarcher</b> - the 03/24/2011 at 11:26pm<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 12/21/2010 at 2:43pm<b>BlackMoon</b> - the 11/18/2010 at 7:46pm<b>SapphireSympathy</b> - the 09/04/2010 at 12:39pm<b>randomdude1234</b> - the 04/23/2010 at 4:24am<b>gr3y</b> - the 04/18/2010 at 10:57am<b>sebastianhs</b> - the 03/28/2010 at 2:15am<b>DogmaT</b> - the 03/01/2010 at 10:09pm<b>Isabella_r38</b> - the 02/28/2010 at 1:38am<b>Averizzle</b> - the 02/20/2010 at 11:02am<b>girlygirl666</b> - the 02/16/2010 at 12:13am<b>aDropOfSunshine</b> - the 02/14/2010 at 8:33am

Darrus's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Darrus's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 2:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

by ifpigsflew / 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

by vstan / 08/24/2010 at 8:48pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

by one_BAMF / 07/25/2010 at 1:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

by LoveStruck- / 02/10/2010 at 2:29am / United States / Love

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

by justme / 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm / Kids

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

by Zephyric / 02/02/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous