DarlingAlisa

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Offline (the 11/18/2015 at 3:59am)

DarlingAlisa

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1730
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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DarlingAlisa's page activity

Visits<b>9ndfine</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 6:44pm<b>ApologyKick</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 6:44pm<b>kunal222</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:30pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:57pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 1:40am<b>bardo264</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 10:20am<b>HitTheRoadJacK3</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 12:34am<b>Stevieray20</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 10:18pm<b>cba7</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 5:18pm<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 9:28am<b>PurelyCanadian</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:41pm<b>olpally</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 9:15pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 4:08pm<b>A07</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 2:29am<b>regenerate</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 5:49pm<b>aaronyetter</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 1:44pm<b>kenleybunch</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 12:19pm<b>gleave</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 11:44pm

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DarlingAlisa's favorite FMLs

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

by karmaaa / 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

by allergic_to_bull / 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

by Disappointed / 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm / Health

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

by mykodu / 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

by mdsfkljsfsdrewr / 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

by FLIPmcCOOL / 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

by Lookalike / 05/12/2014 at 10:38am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous