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DarkpawTehWolf's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at work talking to an older man. As our conversation ended, he said, "Thank you, ma'am." Then, he quickly stumbled over his words as he said, "I mean, thank you, sir. I meant sir. I think." He gazed at me for a moment in confusion, then darted away. FML
by SApprentice / 06/05/2013 at 12:25am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by TooSunnyForSkin / 06/05/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Indiana) / Holidays
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
by poisonivyretard / 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/04/2013 at 12:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
by future burger flipper / 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
by anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 12:41am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Miscellaneous
Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML
by samabomination / 06/02/2013 at 4:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML
by anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by H1dd3n / 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by WHOO HOO AIDS / 06/01/2013 at 2:52pm / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my… Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all… Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a…