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DarkpawTehWolf's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML
by Having a pretty sister sucks. / 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Katthebamf / 08/18/2013 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work
by 12345678910 / 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML
by ssssssssuck a dick, boss / 08/18/2013 at 1:29pm / United States (Montana) / Work
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML
by WartCream / 08/17/2013 at 8:27pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
by frustrated / 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm / Ireland (Kerry) / Intimacy
Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" / 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Love
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
by why / 08/17/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/17/2013 at 6:52am / United States / Kids
by love-shot / 08/17/2013 at 4:24am / United States (Kansas) / Love
- Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had… Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my…