DarkHelmet

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Offline (the 05/26/2016 at 5:45am)

DarkHelmet

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4401
  • Number of comments : 427
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About DarkHelmet : USMC veteran, I laugh at EVERYTHING, I hate cops and I am the coolest mutha fucka you've ever met in your life!!!

DarkHelmet's page activity

Visits<b>LittlePengy</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 12:44am<b>walid820014</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 3:18am<b>isabelc</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 9:48pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 5:06am<b>turtkko</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 3:25pm<b>GraceWaldorf93</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 3:06pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:20am<b>MdMan2</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 7:55pm<b>unclesnoop</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 6:14pm<b>fringeisawesome</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 1:41pm<b>andv888</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 2:36am<b>ThatOneGuyIsDope</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 7:08am<b>arealsexybitch</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 4:26pm<b>MrNiceGuy569</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 9:36pm<b>ducky45</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 11:43am<b>Superwalkatural</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 3:58pm<b>Awesome1a36</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 2:13pm<b>GreenBabe97</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:50pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 9:47pm

DarkHelmet's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of DarkHelmet's badges

DarkHelmet's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

by kykynevs / 08/23/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

by shitless88 / 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

by Braxam / 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Health

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

by satisfied88 / 06/02/2011 at 10:49am / Intimacy

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

by ali grace / 05/14/2011 at 7:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

by IhateThem / 05/14/2011 at 1:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 1:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 12:18am / United States / Miscellaneous