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DarkHelmet

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DarkHelmet

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3230
  • Number of comments : 423
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About DarkHelmet : USMC veteran, I laugh at EVERYTHING, I hate cops and I am the coolest mutha fucka you've ever met in your life!!!

DarkHelmet's page activity

Visits<b>Shakazulu1216</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 6:08pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 10:20pm<b>randomness112103</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:45am<b>Defalt</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:56pm<b>Orl_Original</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 10:40pm<b>CoralCrush</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 1:08am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 1:18am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:44am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 4:08am<b>sroseh10</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 6:03pm<b>Fidge86</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 2:10pm<b>Master0Camox</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 4:14pm<b>Lead27</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 1:35pm<b>jarrettd</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 9:47am<b>FluffyHat</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 7:01pm<b>mylifedeservesit</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 4:06pm<b>Owlnight321</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 5:20pm

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DarkHelmet's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

#18417408
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32771) - you deserved it (5341)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:04am - intimacy - by trembelwick - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32753) - you deserved it (3642)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (5645)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

#17555349
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28858) - you deserved it (2475)

On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27116) - you deserved it (3667)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (3329)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

#16951238
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21399) - you deserved it (16215)

On 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10184) - you deserved it (43032)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

#16676929
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41718) - you deserved it (3205)

On 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm - health - by Braxam - United States

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

#16466460
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32032) - you deserved it (14446)

On 06/02/2011 at 10:49am - intimacy - by satisfied88 -

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110195) - you deserved it (15390)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

#16166578
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37093) - you deserved it (4248)

On 05/14/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by IhateThem - United States

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19224) - you deserved it (65743)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

#15309756
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107276) - you deserved it (6435) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm - love - by Albert06 - France

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

#15213017
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32955) - you deserved it (4849)

On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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