About DarkHelmet : USMC veteran, I laugh at EVERYTHING, I hate cops and I am the coolest mutha fucka you've ever met in your life!!!
Up and coming moderator
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23220) - you deserved it (4128)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (1786)
On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22481) - you deserved it (3167)
On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (2345)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16954) - you deserved it (11631)
On 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8408) - you deserved it (38249)
On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35808) - you deserved it (2399)
On 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm - health - by Braxam - United States
Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25856) - you deserved it (10788)
On 06/02/2011 at 10:49am - intimacy - by satisfied88 -
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90748) - you deserved it (9936)
On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31646) - you deserved it (3310)
On 05/14/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by IhateThem - United States
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16113) - you deserved it (51311)
On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88701) - you deserved it (4719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27120) - you deserved it (3851)
On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59847) - you deserved it (5172)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (3100)
On 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm - health - by Mervin22 - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 20 May 2013
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