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DarkHelmet

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DarkHelmet

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3348
  • Number of comments : 423
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About DarkHelmet : USMC veteran, I laugh at EVERYTHING, I hate cops and I am the coolest mutha fucka you've ever met in your life!!!

DarkHelmet's page activity

Visits<b>pt300</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:48am<b>lelouch988</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:31am<b>Zman2017</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 9:44pm<b>Rycbar313</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 6:04am<b>JellyJace</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 5:56pm<b>Shakazulu1216</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 6:08pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 10:20pm<b>randomness112103</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:45am<b>Defalt</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:56pm<b>Orl_Original</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 10:40pm<b>CoralCrush</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 1:08am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 1:18am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:44am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 4:08am<b>sroseh10</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 6:03pm<b>Fidge86</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 2:10pm<b>Master0Camox</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 4:14pm

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DarkHelmet's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48310) - you deserved it (7533)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51562) - you deserved it (18775)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19919) - you deserved it (3407)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

#19564735
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29220) - you deserved it (2044)

On 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22886) - you deserved it (18519)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

#19231360
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (6106)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11549) - you deserved it (36973)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (2810)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

#19101207
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35261) - you deserved it (5466)

On 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by 97 (woman) - United States

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8751) - you deserved it (66094)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

#18844690
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (3309)

On 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm - health - by Shameful (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16481) - you deserved it (52614)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

#18451653
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12996) - you deserved it (41236)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11660) - you deserved it (44260)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -



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