About DarkDaedalus009 : I took a shit
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DarkDaedalus009's favorite FMLs
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML
by BillLumberg / 02/03/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work
- Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…