Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DarkDaedalus009

Search for a member

DarkDaedalus009

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 17 November 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 746
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About DarkDaedalus009 : I took a shit

DarkDaedalus009's page activity

Visits<b>nothemother</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 11:44am<b>Spartancjm</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 2:07am<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/16/2013 at 3:25am<b>Shannonbena</b> - the 01/04/2013 at 1:41am<b>sillyyanks</b> - the 10/09/2012 at 5:31pm<b>pink_raindrops</b> - the 10/09/2012 at 3:03pm

DarkDaedalus009's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of DarkDaedalus009's badges

DarkDaedalus009's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

#20108910
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (1824)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

#20108846
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24697) - you deserved it (1676)

On 10/09/2012 at 8:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

#20107548
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20560) - you deserved it (2547)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm - love - by habsgurl0622 - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24736) - you deserved it (1888)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, thinking I was alone in my house, I went downstairs in my underwear, singing at the top of my voice. I strutted into the kitchen to find two middle-aged men I'd never seen before sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Turns out they will be painting our house for the next two weeks. FML

#20077635
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (3805)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

#20077596
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20390) - you deserved it (3532)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:04am - misc - by dearbailee (woman) - United States

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

#20074793
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23402) - you deserved it (2288)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

#20060753
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23780) - you deserved it (1679)

On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

#20060710
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20270) - you deserved it (8710)

On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

#20058701
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18842) - you deserved it (1389)

On 09/05/2012 at 10:06am - health - by needtoscratch (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22908) - you deserved it (2964)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

#20021274
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20804) - you deserved it (2392)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

#20021119
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21485) - you deserved it (5424)

On 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm - love - by cestquoicebordel?? (man) - France

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

#20020595
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25897) - you deserved it (1619)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - United States

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13936) - you deserved it (37085)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: