DarkCaesar

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Offline (the 04/04/2016 at 11:48pm)

DarkCaesar

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 61096
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DarkCaesar : I'd like to think I'm an interesting guy, but I'm still pretty awkward.

DarkCaesar's page activity

Visits<b>Paulcs</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 8:56pm<b>Leigghhh</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 9:34am<b>sammie2new</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:17pm<b>CruelGuy</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 7:41pm<b>bluucat</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 11:14am<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 3:32am<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:28am<b>Mr_snuggels</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 8:13pm<b>DrMario_</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 2:11pm<b>nyancait</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 8:30am<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 9:08am<b>HeartYou101</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 6:42pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:54pm<b>JoMama_0924</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 11:32pm<b>4WARD</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:18am<b>7Maverick</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:45pm<b>HotShot313</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 1:18am<b>ckirksey</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:46pm

DarkCaesar's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of DarkCaesar's badges

DarkCaesar's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

by welp / 12/27/2015 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

by NotSoComfortable / 12/17/2015 at 4:10am / Italy (Veneto) / Intimacy

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

by who wants spaghetti / 12/16/2015 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

by MystoganFT / 12/16/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

by chamberpottime / 12/16/2015 at 3:58am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Health

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

by sothatsano / 12/16/2015 at 3:56am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

by sorethumb / 12/15/2015 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

by ConfusedGirl / 12/15/2015 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

by sarahrachel / 12/14/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

by Haitwun / 12/14/2015 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

by ehcanadianeh / 12/13/2015 at 3:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation