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Danijhollis

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Danijhollis

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  • Number of visits : 127
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Danijhollis's favorite FMLs

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31315) - you deserved it (5900)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40998) - you deserved it (3859)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15992) - you deserved it (26301)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

#20509329
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32792) - you deserved it (5551)

On 02/16/2013 at 10:27am - love - by MsCobb - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31699) - you deserved it (20141)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33737) - you deserved it (3080)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (3430)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18816) - you deserved it (2382)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

#18665840
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33960) - you deserved it (2597)

On 12/31/2011 at 5:36pm - money - by EdwinOEF (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

#18236963
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23765) - you deserved it (2188)

On 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm - love - by mandie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

#17892754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25652) - you deserved it (2940)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:15am - love - by NotRussian (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42452) - you deserved it (8265)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

#14142147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27288) - you deserved it (10432)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

#13998989
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8533) - you deserved it (35938)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders)

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

#13774014
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34685) - you deserved it (3477)

On 11/09/2010 at 2:51am - intimacy - by secretdoll (woman) - United States (California)



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