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Dancer3626's FML badges
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Dancer3626's favorite FMLs
by I get the hint / 09/18/2013 at 2:19am / Health
Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML
by whyme / 09/12/2013 at 10:44am / United States (Florida) / Love
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by GotMyBitchBack / 09/05/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by swana99 / 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by scammed / 08/29/2013 at 2:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML
by 4_and_20_blackbits / 08/26/2013 at 4:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML
by cpmolly / 08/24/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML
by xxSecretAngelxx / 08/19/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by ew / 08/11/2013 at 9:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML
by cricketsins / 08/11/2013 at 3:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm / Switzerland / Health
Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML
by please don't back that thing up / 08/09/2013 at 1:00am / United States / Transportation
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm / United States / Money
- Today, my mom wore one of my dresses. Not a big deal, right? Well, the last two months, she's been… Today, I was disowned by my mother because I asked her to tone it down on Facebook. She flipped out… Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done…