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DanShowsNoMercy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML
by Ashamed_Sister / 11/30/2013 at 2:35am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Love
Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML
by fleetingmemories / 11/29/2013 at 6:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy
by cheyeahh6 / 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by ._. / 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
by sumhub94 / 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm / United States / Work
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:12am / United States / Kids
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
by Master Debater / 02/01/2013 at 6:05am / Australia / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/11/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy