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DanShowsNoMercy's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
DanShowsNoMercy's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 11:43am / India (Maharashtra) / Geek
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
by Justawoman / 06/04/2014 at 11:52am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy
Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML
by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML
by missmom83 / 04/24/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
by notsohandy / 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by carboncoach / 12/13/2013 at 12:24pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML
by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by DocShadow / 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
by Kyle / 12/03/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
- Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began… Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except… Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I…