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DanShowsNoMercy

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DanShowsNoMercy

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 339
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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DanShowsNoMercy's page activity

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DanShowsNoMercy's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

#20975053
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (3867)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:55pm - misc - by fleetingmemories (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54826) - you deserved it (5803)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42723) - you deserved it (17412)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

#20903481
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (2863)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83360) - you deserved it (7975)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44221) - you deserved it (3442)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (31736)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (35621)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

#19921973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20809) - you deserved it (8603)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

#19795313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23660) - you deserved it (6591)

On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

#18913819
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (3786)

On 01/26/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by RequilaRainbow - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

#16746059
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53806) - you deserved it (6720)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

#14034563
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10018) - you deserved it (32894)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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