About Dan714 : I've been known to dabble in magic and play the bagpipe. I'm a geology major from Maine. If I sound like someone you'd be able to tolerate, and/or you'd like to get to know me better, let's talk!
Dan714's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Dan714's favorite FMLs
by dillon / 07/01/2014 at 12:12am / United States (Arkansas) / Geek
Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML
by chinaski7628 / 02/15/2014 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Work
by anon / 12/26/2013 at 7:08am / Australia / Love
by Anonymous / 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by ROBERT / 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Miscellaneous
by toritoratora / 11/26/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Kids
by lspicknall / 05/12/2012 at 2:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
by stuckonrepeat / 03/08/2012 at 3:06am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work
by afraidtoburn / 02/25/2012 at 11:18pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…