Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Damius

Search for a member

Damius
  • Town/Country : Chilliwack, Cananada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 19 February 1987 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 1889
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Damius's last visitors

JuicyCheeks

Damius's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Damius's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you deserved it (31317)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8994) - you deserved it (62163)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

#13946
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26697) - you deserved it (2870)

On 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

#2412
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (6717)

On 01/24/2009 at 5:50am - money - by waitingformyfoodstamps - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

#1374
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19852) - you deserved it (1971)

On 01/16/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United Kingdom

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

#391
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41071) - you deserved it (22517)

On 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by USSEYL - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: