About DalPozzo13 : Ive never been good at these things so I dont really know what to say
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DalPozzo13's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by ohgod. / 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by fionnathehuman / 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Kids
by jack / 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
by bucollegegirl / 10/08/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
by Jake / 10/02/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML
by bluefrisky / 09/29/2012 at 3:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my… Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box… Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was…
- Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…