About DalPozzo13 : Ive never been good at these things so I dont really know what to say
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Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31293) - you deserved it (3995)
On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17077) - you deserved it (48229)
On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30106) - you deserved it (16858)
On 05/30/2011 at 12:19am - love - by weddingblues (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13524) - you deserved it (58384)
On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13869) - you deserved it (5658)
On 05/28/2011 at 1:27am - money - by greenhide8 - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33339) - you deserved it (13136)
On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9830) - you deserved it (52377)
On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31451) - you deserved it (2854)
On 05/27/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32642) - you deserved it (11381)
On 05/20/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by skiittlez713 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29828) - you deserved it (5587)
On 05/19/2011 at 6:46pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9037) - you deserved it (47670)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -
Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27384) - you deserved it (9166)
On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10589) - you deserved it (50456)
On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (31172)
On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10344) - you deserved it (15974)
On 04/26/2011 at 6:25pm - misc - by Jyocka (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Friday 24 May 2013
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