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Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39799) - you deserved it (12426)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140826) - you deserved it (32148)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31126) - you deserved it (100351)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a feild sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test infront of all the students and parents. I blew. 06%. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19252) - you deserved it (85432)
On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9474) - you deserved it (133022)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52652) - you deserved it (6281)
On 04/07/2009 at 12:53am - love - by effedfosh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27243) - you deserved it (96511)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (65566)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58360) - you deserved it (7788)
On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189391) - you deserved it (21119)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33784) - you deserved it (68826)
On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61334) - you deserved it (5442)
On 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by promdump (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39411) - you deserved it (125330)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55612) - you deserved it (324274)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15443) - you deserved it (42759)
On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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