About Dajucy1 : If you're stalking me, I want you to know you'll get an immediate erection right about...now
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Dajucy1's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
by charlie3289 / 10/27/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Florida) / Work
by dak-rod423 / 10/15/2011 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML
by daddoesn'tknowbest / 10/13/2011 at 8:24am / United States / Kids
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
by CaseyFpC85 / 09/11/2011 at 11:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by LuckySperm / 08/12/2011 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by weirdome23 / 04/26/2011 at 5:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…