About Dajucy1 : If you're stalking me, I want you to know you'll get an immediate erection right about...now
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50 favourites
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Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47963) - you deserved it (3722)
On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17013) - you deserved it (3211)
On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6895) - you deserved it (32801)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17318) - you deserved it (3867)
On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (2850)
On 12/08/2011 at 4:14am - love - by disappoint - United States (Florida)
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31537) - you deserved it (4511)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you deserved it (5831)
On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -
Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28049) - you deserved it (3913)
On 11/14/2011 at 12:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (41300)
On 11/05/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by kdeeeceee - United States
Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (4352)
On 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by silkysmooth (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17048) - you deserved it (8634)
On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6312) - you deserved it (129004)
On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21976) - you deserved it (7899)
On 10/15/2011 at 12:33am - misc - by dak-rod423 (man) - United States (California)
Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23380) - you deserved it (2553)
On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21343) - you deserved it (2305)
On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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