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Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML
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On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
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On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card & the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by flustered - United States (California)
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the isle. It didn't disappear. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you totally deserved it (16050)
On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 12:07am - work - by OhNo. (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML
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On 07/26/2009 at 2:58pm - kids - by loserwithlice (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML
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On 07/26/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by racchhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML
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On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States
Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - health - by Toothy. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
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On 07/24/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML
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On 07/24/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by umbrella (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML
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On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
