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DJofAllMusic's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, a 60 year old veteran hit on me by pointing to his white hair and saying: "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below." Then he told me vets eat free at Cracker Barrel. FML
by Bex98 / 09/28/2015 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health
by Oopsie / 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML
by (-,..,-) / 07/24/2015 at 1:24pm / France / Work
by fuck / 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by zzarzzur / 05/22/2015 at 2:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
by fuckered519 / 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy
by Bad Dad / 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 12:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML
by Apcn / 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…