DEATHSNIGHTMARE

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Offline (the 09/12/2014 at 4:41am)

DEATHSNIGHTMARE

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 6 February 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1284
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DEATHSNIGHTMARE : saepe expertus semper fidelis

USMC 0311

DEATHSNIGHTMARE's page activity

Visits<b>DrowningLessons</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 12:21pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 4:47am<b>juliebrn</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 11:39pm<b>Bibblejomin</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 12:27pm<b>soccercrewluv10</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 9:32pm<b>SuperCaroline131</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 8:54am<b>Allornone</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:27pm<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 11:41am<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 1:06pm<b>WorldWarAres</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:21pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 12:59pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 11:17am<b>watermelon1</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 10:41am<b>callmefunnymam</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:25pm<b>Snugmybaby95</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 1:44pm<b>miiapaige</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:31am<b>joshbrown33</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 9:17pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:23am

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DEATHSNIGHTMARE's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

by theshire / 08/12/2014 at 2:23am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

by a very unlucky dude. / 06/18/2014 at 2:37am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

by orangemango / 04/22/2014 at 2:18am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

by freakedout / 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

by CheapFamily / 04/09/2014 at 7:47pm / United States / Money

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 10:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

by ohdear. / 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

by emmaavk88 / 03/17/2014 at 8:15am / United Arab Emirates / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU / 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm / Russian Federation (Moskva) / Intimacy

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

by loserr / 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2014 at 4:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work