Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CynicallyAlive

Offline (the 11/05/2014 at 11:27pm) | Search for a member

CynicallyAlive

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 202
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CynicallyAlive : Life has a habit of giving you oranges when you need lemons

CynicallyAlive's page activity

Visits<b>alicealiveordead</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 4:02pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 12:37am<b>coldpepsi82</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 4:55pm<b>cherrio27</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 2:51pm<b>GeneralySpeaking</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 2:25pm<b>91hayek</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 5:23am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 11:15pm<b>veebiter</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 11:53pm<b>akorpija</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 2:52am<b>GeneralStew</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:33pm<b>winter_under_ice</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:27pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:43pm

CynicallyAlive's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of CynicallyAlive's badges

CynicallyAlive's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50168) - you deserved it (4223)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34354) - you deserved it (7144)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was reading FML's birthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckfaces of the week. FML

#21040870
166 comments

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50901) - you deserved it (6473)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51515) - you deserved it (6250)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

#14484091
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41902) - you deserved it (2427)

On 01/06/2011 at 9:54am - health - by omfgitburns (man) -

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (2140)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

#6914931
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33475) - you deserved it (2775)

On 12/24/2009 at 1:09am - love - by Nemesis2747 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

#5219515
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45998) - you deserved it (5868)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35600) - you deserved it (92997)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML

#1143838
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46356) - you deserved it (4811)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:20am - health - by Novocain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: