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Cyanide03

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Cyanide03
  • Town/Country : Phoenix, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 3 September 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 442
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cyanide03's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of Cyanide03's badges

Cyanide03's favorite FMLs

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36350) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML

#6349337
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29051) - you deserved it (1698)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

#6204379
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20521) - you deserved it (5831)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

#5873619
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34267) - you deserved it (1550)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by booste (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

#5244786
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26064) - you deserved it (23028)

On 09/14/2009 at 1:07am - animals - by Maggie123 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

#4958000
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82729) - you deserved it (4853)

On 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm - kids - by beya (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

#4863125
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14459) - you deserved it (45628)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42650) - you deserved it (8434)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42650) - you deserved it (8434)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

#3925036
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58689) - you deserved it (10695)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38158) - you deserved it (2213)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63717) - you deserved it (4610)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

#3348411
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40688) - you deserved it (11570)

On 06/29/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you deserved it (20156)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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