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CyNommy's favorite FMLs
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals
Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML
by theultimatesalonfail / 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm / United States / Work
by KillMeNow / 06/06/2011 at 2:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
by diddlebuag / 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML
by lionhead14 / 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 2:20am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
by effyou / 02/10/2011 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Love
by FreakinthePink / 12/06/2010 at 2:20am / Intimacy
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML
by GuiltByTenuousAssociation / 03/01/2010 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML
by hatemyjob / 02/25/2010 at 5:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…