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Crowcaller's favorite FMLs
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
by NotAnExcuse / 11/07/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Transportation
by BobsBabe2 / 10/24/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Mrs. Teacher / 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML
by brianfantana32 / 09/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML
by Bethany / 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by TheBeautifulOne / 08/23/2012 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML
by cestquoicebordel?? / 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm / France / Love
- Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when… Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told… Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her,…