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CrookedNipples

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CrookedNipples
  • Town/Country : San Diego, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 June 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 86
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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CrookedNipples's last visitors

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CrookedNipples's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of CrookedNipples's badges

CrookedNipples's favorite FMLs

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

#20842035
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52982) - you deserved it (3573)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm - love - by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst into hysterical laughter behind me. FML

#20817313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47816) - you deserved it (8096)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57185) - you deserved it (3613)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

#20786957
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52176) - you deserved it (3351)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by me:( - United States (Michigan)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (31574) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, I'm expected to buy a bassinet and/or a stroller/car-seat for my nephew because my brother trusted the pullout method for contraception. FML

#20785515
150 comments

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53065) - you deserved it (18207)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73142) - you deserved it (3515)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50031) - you deserved it (20066)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45933) - you deserved it (2918)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41641) - you deserved it (4701)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (4272)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

#19936728
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15694) - you deserved it (4002)

On 07/14/2012 at 10:43am - health - by Anonymous - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

#19309925
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (1468)

On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)



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