CrookedNipples

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Offline (the 11/28/2014 at 10:50am)

CrookedNipples

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 June 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 529
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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CrookedNipples's page activity

Visits<b>james_logan</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 8:43am<b>julako</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 8:48pm<b>Nohman</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 6:34am<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 4:06pm<b>AGhost5445</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 3:40am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 3:05pm<b>LukeE45</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 2:54pm<b>DomHowler</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 2:07pm<b>ColonelFML</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 1:52pm<b>HunterHimself</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 1:36pm<b>Will2342</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 1:35pm<b>intheheart</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 12:44pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 12:02pm<b>adb1827</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 11:26am<b>t_raw1234</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 11:21am<b>ThatsMyPie</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 10:54am<b>man_in_black08</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 10:47am<b>jjmiller1001</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 10:41am

CrookedNipples's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of CrookedNipples's badges

CrookedNipples's favorite FMLs

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" / 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Love

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

by me:( / 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 10:43am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

by CA19oo / 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:04am / Miscellaneous