About Cristianma : Just a man and his fails to share them with you.
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Cristianma's favorite FMLs
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML
by sister sister / 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Alice99 / 11/12/2013 at 12:39pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Love
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by emmmbo / 12/19/2011 at 10:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
by Laci / 04/30/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…