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Cricketman

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Cricketman

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 507
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Cricketman's page activity

Visits<b>hebrewnational35</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 5:24pm<b>JGonzalez70</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 11:06am<b>xChaos</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 7:42pm<b>Umbreon01100</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 5:02pm<b>mexeuphemism</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:33pm<b>3051628</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:22pm<b>Roterun</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 11:27am<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 6:39am<b>Replicakes</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 5:06am

Cricketman's FML badges

50 favourites

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It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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Cricketman's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

#20866213
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (2731)

On 09/03/2013 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54164) - you deserved it (6158)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

#20827400
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40973) - you deserved it (4856)

On 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by ROBERT (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

#20806263
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44063) - you deserved it (3574)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonycunt (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22198) - you deserved it (43472)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49992) - you deserved it (11644)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30860) - you deserved it (5839)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21823) - you deserved it (44886)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33137) - you deserved it (4956)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24931) - you deserved it (6498)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

#20020463
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22653) - you deserved it (1846)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:02am - love - by WELLFUCKYOUTOO (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

#19946274
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24415) - you deserved it (6731)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:57pm - kids - by trisha (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

#19946239
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19114) - you deserved it (5040)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by dogmom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40730) - you deserved it (3866)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

#19756840
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22462) - you deserved it (1964)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)



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