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Cricketman

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Cricketman
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 294
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Cricketman's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31038) - you deserved it (4718)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19499) - you deserved it (4649)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

#20020463
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20824) - you deserved it (1681)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:02am - love - by WELLFUCKYOUTOO (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

#19946274
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22507) - you deserved it (6441)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:57pm - kids - by trisha (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38445) - you deserved it (3667)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

#19756840
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21072) - you deserved it (1869)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

#19343662
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36621) - you deserved it (11379)

On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

#19000148
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39754) - you deserved it (4238)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

#18951415
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9402) - you deserved it (38766)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:27am - health - by cbad (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

#18513087
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25770) - you deserved it (2509)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:00pm - love - by dumped (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29707) - you deserved it (3313)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

#17080358
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36869) - you deserved it (21187)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm - misc - by couldntholdit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

#17015904
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60122) - you deserved it (4793)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by lizownsvirgy - United States (California)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32276) - you deserved it (6615)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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