I'm Halaayy. And I'm probably the most random person you'll ever meet. Yeah so I...OMG! Squirrel! See. Yeah so, I love being crazy and spontaneous. I like sitting in trees, walking for miles, singing/songwriting, and partying ;D. So yeah. You wanna know me. Okay. Prepared to be amazed :)
Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML
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On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
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On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then proceeded to walk inside the house, poop on the carpet, and run back outside. FML
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On 05/03/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by lalibear (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12051) - you totally deserved it (28252)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML
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On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
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On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML
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On 03/23/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by VinnyGoombots (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
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On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML
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On 03/19/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
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On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, friends threw me a party for finishing my dissertation. I've worked on it for months. They carried my computer downstairs to have music, dropping it halfway. My work was on there. Only back-up? On my flash drive I just found on the floor, crushed by someone's foot. It's due tomorrow. FML
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On 03/03/2009 at 6:16pm - work - by Palmer (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out my mother has another new boyfriend. She told me she wanted me to meet him, and I reluctantly agreed. When I walked out to meet him in the living room, to my surprise, I knew him. He's 18, my mother is 44. He also happens to be in my second period high school math class. FML
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On 03/01/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
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On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML
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On 02/20/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by C Me Rollin (man) - United States
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
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On 02/10/2009 at 6:06pm - intimacy - by misc (woman) - United States (New York)
