Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 May 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1230
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Cortezthe1st : Just an average teenage boy who prefers playing video games over attending parties.

Necrotizing Fasciitis

Emmett Till you da real MVP.

Cortezthe1st's page activity

Visits<b>914smv</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 3:33pm<b>rd_23</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 5:44am<b>Risea</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 10:21pm<b>cornyrob</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 8:02am<b>poorjudgement</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 1:25am<b>TreeTreeMan</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 9:08pm<b>britbear0731</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 11:50pm<b>chaoss10</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 6:11am<b>JHPugh</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 11:00am<b>Wondermage</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 6:57am<b>edmunson</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 1:59am<b>pizzapower_</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 12:36am<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 3:50pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 3:01pm<b>ilovesoccer1610</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 2:47pm<b>Myo</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 10:45am<b>TheLordGarrett</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 9:58am<b>teacupofsunshine</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 11:42pm

Fucked!<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 10:58am<b>Emmamazing</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 10:43pm<b>ARCHANGELGABRIEL</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 9:09pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 4:40am<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:56pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 9:29am<b>tournamentdecide</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:20pm<b>yescry</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:15pm<b>Baka_Me</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:55am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:08am<b>FailStaff</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 4:36am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:09am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:10pm<b>purpleturtle16</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 8:35pm<b>mwali02</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 4:19pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:24am<b>commanderstiff</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 1:01am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 10:32pm

Cortezthe1st's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Cortezthe1st's badges

Cortezthe1st's favorite FMLs

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46170) - you deserved it (3445)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37369) - you deserved it (2777)

On 02/03/2015 at 1:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48082) - you deserved it (4048)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31095) - you deserved it (5452)

On 04/09/2011 at 4:08am - love - by confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (64268) - you deserved it (6314)

On 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm - kids - by ravenskater -

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (7626)

On 12/28/2010 at 2:44am - intimacy - by sealy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56400) - you deserved it (15002)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36296) - you deserved it (153591)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML


I agree, your life sucks (74258) - you deserved it (3279)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13640) - you deserved it (38720)

On 01/16/2009 at 2:38pm - animals - by Fucked - United States (North Carolina)

FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: