FYL, Not mine
Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24825) - you totally deserved it (45341)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34385) - you totally deserved it (4301)
On 08/04/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40917) - you totally deserved it (963)
On 08/03/2009 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
I agree, your life sucks (52067) - you totally deserved it (2759)
On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43867) - you totally deserved it (2950)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Electronotfriend (woman) - Poland (Pomorskie)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you totally deserved it (6813)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
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On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26847) - you totally deserved it (2295) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by emily (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31332) - you totally deserved it (4652) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML
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On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States
Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML
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On 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by PokeTheBear (man) - Canada
Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you totally deserved it (3018)
On 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8105) - you totally deserved it (34746)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
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On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
