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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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CookiesNmilk

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CookiesNmilk
  • Town/Country : SF, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 463
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About CookiesNmilk : i like cookies

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CookiesNmilk's favorite FMLs

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

#5145727 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (6119) - you deserved it (38830)

On 09/09/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by Victor (man) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (41550) - you deserved it (4939)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

#3650725 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (32387) - you deserved it (5830)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (52939) - you deserved it (9005)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

#2685483 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (14135) - you deserved it (55675)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by zep (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

#1869352 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (43402) - you deserved it (4818)

On 05/12/2009 at 9:41am - misc - by Viridian - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

#1818273 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (17223) - you deserved it (82053)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm - intimacy - by insideout (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (13195) - you deserved it (52928)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (91768) - you deserved it (7456)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

#1747216 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (63613) - you deserved it (2771)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by WonderWall09 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (26801) - you deserved it (51144)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (21075) - you deserved it (73920)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad texted me and told me "I love u." I answer back with "I love you too dad...are you drunk?" and he answers back "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

#1696810 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (54641) - you deserved it (3331)

On 05/06/2009 at 6:04pm - love - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (11315) - you deserved it (87556)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

#1686217 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (7189) - you deserved it (69242)

On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)