About Conker4321 : Honestly, I'm just out to have fun. I can care less about what you have to say and what you're opinions are because I'm just out doing me. Hooah! Go Army! I'll serve that flag until the day I die.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Conker4321's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML
by skollasch / 09/25/2014 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML
by badprofessor / 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm / United States (New York) / Work
by immature / 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Work
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML
by he's not the one going to hell / 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm / Australia / Geek
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by murrrrf / 07/21/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML
by mdsfkljsfsdrewr / 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous
by CorCelesti / 06/02/2014 at 10:00am / United States / Love
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…