About Comet_Candy : The mystic ship that travels the cosmos
Waxes then wanes
It tells us that,
Nothing stays the same.
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Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17569) - you deserved it (1436)
On 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13310) - you deserved it (1830)
On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United States
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37434) - you deserved it (6764)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States
Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5976) - you deserved it (16541)
On 05/01/2012 at 4:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15999) - you deserved it (1866)
On 04/14/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (2019)
On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13765) - you deserved it (2163)
On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)
Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14595) - you deserved it (2307)
On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14161) - you deserved it (10552)
On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24018) - you deserved it (3321)
On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you deserved it (3625)
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26058) - you deserved it (5438)
On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12800) - you deserved it (4855)
On 01/23/2012 at 6:27am - health - by Dutchee - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7959) - you deserved it (20233)
On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8582) - you deserved it (66341)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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