About Colonel_Lexi : Why are you on my page?
Colonel_Lexi's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Colonel_Lexi's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
by theuglyfriend / 07/17/2012 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML
by gloria77 / 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm / United States / Kids
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
by Sadfaic / 01/22/2012 at 9:59pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Jeff G. / 01/22/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML
by needanewphone / 01/22/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 1:06pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 6:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by sisco2901 / 01/22/2012 at 4:12am / Slovakia (Nitra) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 3:25am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by suckstobefat / 01/22/2012 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
by Joe / 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Florida) / Money
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…