About CodeMonkie : Firstly, I'm weird. I spend way too much time playing games on PC. I prefer Crossfit anyday rather than going to a gym. Ubuntu over Windows and VIm is the only editor you'll ever need. My music goes from SBTRKT & Jessie Ware to Adventure Club & Krewella to D-WHY & Childish Gambino to Mona & Funeral Party to Capture The Crown & Sleeping with Sirens. Wanna play Epoch add kashman18 on Steam. :) If I could have a pet in my dorm it would be Timothy Osmundson's hair. And if you understand the importance of a semicolon you and I would get along.
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CodeMonkie's favorite FMLs
Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML
by Gassy and sassy / 12/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML
by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by idiot bro / 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML
by angelamegan21 / 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML
by stillaproudfather / 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm / United States / Kids
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
by Alone / 05/21/2014 at 7:05am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML
by clueless / 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML
by booboo300 / 04/03/2014 at 6:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to… Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new… Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on…