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Code's favorite FMLs
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
by ohno / 07/13/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by 44haley44 / 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by Bobby M / 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Health
by acab93 / 02/10/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Cherie / 12/07/2010 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML
by romedizzle / 11/24/2010 at 4:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML
by serveandprotectyeahright / 11/20/2010 at 9:00am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 6:34am / Oman (Masqat) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
by K_M / 08/23/2010 at 12:18am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Kids
Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML
by Fire_Crotch / 08/14/2010 at 2:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by 8to10days / 08/05/2010 at 7:14am / United Kingdom / Money
by juli / 07/24/2010 at 1:47pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Love
Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML
by owwie / 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm / United States / Kids
by paidback / 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it… Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring… Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend,…
- Today, my mom accidentally hit my dog. She didn't see him and she felt so bad. She started cuddling… Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done… Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so…