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Code's favorite FMLs

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

#16205540
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61968) - you deserved it (9680)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm - health - by Bobby M - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML

#14924487
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7371) - you deserved it (57076)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:37pm - misc - by acab93 - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

#14120068
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33920) - you deserved it (6084)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:25pm - kids - by Cherie - United States (New York)

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

#13958781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19548) - you deserved it (7517)

On 11/24/2010 at 4:52am - work - by romedizzle (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

#13909761
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (4048)

On 11/20/2010 at 9:00am - animals - by serveandprotectyeahright - United States (New York)

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

#13861798
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22428) - you deserved it (7928)

On 11/16/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

#12818513
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (32866)

On 08/30/2010 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Oman (Masqat)

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8183) - you deserved it (68142)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

#12513717
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7041) - you deserved it (43094)

On 08/14/2010 at 2:27am - health - by Fire_Crotch (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

#12327925
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9694) - you deserved it (48887)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:14am - money - by 8to10days (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

#12085678
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (19222)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:47pm - love - by juli (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

#8210549
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29581) - you deserved it (5271)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm - kids - by owwie - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

#6927698
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6576) - you deserved it (72082)

On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28066) - you deserved it (2806)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

#4256639
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51850) - you deserved it (6293)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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