About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML
by thanks.... / 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by noway / 01/03/2014 at 6:03am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Kids
by FMLPLZ / 01/02/2014 at 9:52pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
by Frustrated / 01/02/2014 at 9:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML
by Andrew / 01/02/2014 at 6:49pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 4:50pm / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
by fuck off, dad / 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML
by Purplexus / 01/02/2014 at 9:13am / Turkey (Ankara) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML
by Okay_Then / 01/01/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Crashed / 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by Lonesome / 01/01/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
- Today, while talking to my dad, he threw a ball to me and it nailed me in the nuts. I stumbled back… Today, I wore shorts to work for the first time ever, since it was over 100 degrees. I immediately… Today, my cousin was using my iPad. He "accidentally dropped" it out the window 3 stories up. It's…