About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 10:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by jseid2 / 01/15/2014 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML
by ===== / 01/14/2014 at 12:59pm / Pakistan (Sindh) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML
by rholt / 01/14/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML
by ShelterForTheHomless / 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML
by OvertonHippie / 01/13/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by tired individual / 01/12/2014 at 6:04am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by left out / 01/11/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by madib33 / 01/11/2014 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
by kyyle / 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…