Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CobraLazerFace

Offline (16 minutes ago) | Search for a member

CobraLazerFace

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6717
  • Number of comments : 137
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.

CobraLazerFace's page activity

Visits<b>M4nt1d</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:00pm<b>mandymay21</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 7:51am<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 8:57pm<b>ShariG2010</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 12:33pm<b>Purrrvana</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 1:43am<b>FmyL6</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 11:12pm<b>MissEris</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:33pm<b>Icebrisket</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 12:44pm<b>LadyCloud</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 11:00am<b>cute_chick</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 9:57am<b>Kingofkatz</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 6:51am<b>Moonheartx</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 3:21am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 7:34pm<b>frankiero</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 12:42pm<b>Mindset</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:00am<b>lolzalolliepop</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 5:09pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 3:08pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 2:28pm

CobraLazerFace's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of CobraLazerFace's badges

CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

#20742274
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57843) - you deserved it (22573)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

#20742151
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65225) - you deserved it (4298)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52246) - you deserved it (2987)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

#20741264
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37850) - you deserved it (2837)

On 06/22/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by me - United States (Ohio)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49981) - you deserved it (11641)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

#20741061
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44888) - you deserved it (4852)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:54pm - love - by talktothefacecausethehandswanking (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42672) - you deserved it (3002)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend and I had a threesome. He suggested we have another guy. It ended up devolving into a twosome, and I wasn't part of it. FML

#20740333
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74866) - you deserved it (17019)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

#20739324
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49373) - you deserved it (4842)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41185) - you deserved it (4600)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

#20738006
120 comments

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

#20737123
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44323) - you deserved it (2964)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:54pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

#20737057
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38782) - you deserved it (2544)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by whoriblemomindeed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

#20736762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48813) - you deserved it (3150)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:35am - money - by what_the_hell (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: