About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2014 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML
by heatherfeather22 / 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
by anon / 07/30/2014 at 11:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2014 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids
Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML
by gwengas / 07/30/2014 at 2:51am / France (Bretagne) / Love
by anonyme / 07/30/2014 at 2:51am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
by dealtit / 07/29/2014 at 11:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML
by Tiny / 07/29/2014 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML
by jayswizzle89 / 07/29/2014 at 3:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by lizlala / 07/28/2014 at 1:34pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Work
by Scotty / 07/28/2014 at 6:16am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML
by blow away / 07/28/2014 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML
by tlm84 / 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by why / 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck…