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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23641) - you deserved it (40730)
On 03/09/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by DumbDinosaur (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (20548) - you deserved it (74738)
On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66553) - you deserved it (3985)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66553) - you deserved it (3985)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72363) - you deserved it (24228)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm - love - by goodbye (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59022) - you deserved it (18185)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40272) - you deserved it (32505)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72876) - you deserved it (3616)
On 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm - love - by Depressed (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36574) - you deserved it (15275)
On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33335) - you deserved it (9590)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (8378)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59075) - you deserved it (6649)
On 03/08/2009 at 5:14am - intimacy - by JP (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48907) - you deserved it (56832)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38624) - you deserved it (8003)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6027) - you deserved it (64981)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)
Friday 24 May 2013
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