About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.
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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
by legitfile.bat.virus.exe / 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML
by idiotson / 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by disturbed / 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm / Ireland / Animals
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML
by LyraAlluse / 05/18/2014 at 7:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by Harry / 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
by taintedlover / 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
by IBS / 05/06/2014 at 5:11am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML
by Mortifiedcharityworker / 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm / Austria / Work
by booty backfire / 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush… Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he… Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were…