Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ChrisTheCalm

Search for a member

ChrisTheCalm

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 April 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 614
  • Number of comments : 129
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About ChrisTheCalm : Oh, hey. Dear whomever this may concern, I hate you and want you out of my life. Stop stalking me. I hate your guts and wish I can kill you. Thanks for reading. For legal reasons, I didn't mean to offend anyone, just people who can fuck themselves that I don't care about. Get out now please jerkface. :)

ChrisTheCalm's page activity

Visits<b>jcroisdale</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 6:35pm<b>Strider207</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 7:55pm<b>Tezoma</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 7:29pm<b>fk18</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 1:25pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 12:33am<b>samslifesuks</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 10:09pm<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 4:13pm<b>A7X_all_the_way</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 1:13am<b>mykl1721</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 2:48am<b>Dewoe</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 8:29am<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 4:43pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 9:58am<b>eln</b> - the 07/09/2013 at 6:43am<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 03/27/2013 at 9:02am<b>lastsinglepanda</b> - the 09/10/2012 at 3:29am<b>mabel123</b> - the 08/31/2012 at 9:47pm<b>Spark_Slicker</b> - the 08/31/2012 at 10:22am<b>jisaac09</b> - the 08/23/2012 at 9:48pm

ChrisTheCalm's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of ChrisTheCalm's badges

ChrisTheCalm's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was "I thought I deleted the messages." FML

#20051914
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23947) - you deserved it (2658)

On 09/01/2012 at 2:02am - love - by gmac0417 - United States

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

#20051755
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19877) - you deserved it (2644)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by KidKillah - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11885) - you deserved it (35037)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML

#20051386
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16576) - you deserved it (1661)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:40pm - misc - by what.....? (woman) - United States

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

#20050522
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15575) - you deserved it (8079)

On 08/31/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by baconlady (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

#20039193
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27349) - you deserved it (2524)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:45am - animals - by alix - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

#20037445
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20322) - you deserved it (1531)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

#20034503
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13721) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by mr_flarpin (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

#20033901
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27919) - you deserved it (1923)

On 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

#20022524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23039) - you deserved it (7861)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

#19429984
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29590) - you deserved it (8449)

On 04/08/2012 at 1:18pm - money - by kirsty - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7254) - you deserved it (25837)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27674) - you deserved it (7630)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: