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ChrisDesmorais's favorite FMLs
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
by whoops / 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Ljiljka / 08/01/2014 at 10:37am / Serbia / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML
by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 11:24am / Germany / Intimacy
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML
by BabyButt / 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health
by fuck russia and fuck georgia too / 03/09/2014 at 2:38pm / Azerbaijan / Intimacy
Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML
by Author / 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by gaiakirkland / 02/15/2014 at 6:18am / Italy (Lombardia) / Health
- Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection… Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to… Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news…